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Raise mentally strong kids by using these phrases (Part 1)

Every parent has one aim – Raise happy and successful kids.

Mentally strong kids

According to renowned psychotherapist, Amy Morin, the author of 13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don’t Do, the only way to ensure happy and successful kids is to teach them mental toughness early on.

Adversity is inevitable in our daily lives. Helping your kids develop resilience and learn from their failures as early as possible is more likely to create mentally tough kids. This allows them to stay positive amid challenges.

Grow and Changes

That means choosing your words carefully around your kids, especially in stressful situations where it's easy to say whatever you think will stop a tantrum or calm a worrying fit. Certain words or phrases could unintentionally send the wrong message, Morin says.

According to Morin, here are seven phrases that parents of mentally strong kids avoid using when raising their children.


1. Calm Down!

It doesn’t work for adults; it definitely doesn’t work on kids either! It's never a good idea to tell your kids how to feel when they are upset or stressed. Morin says, "We want to send the message, it's OK to feel however you're feeling. But it's important to pay attention to what you're doing with those feelings." Instead, try something like this, she recommends: "It looks like you're really angry right now."

Help your child understand that it's fine to feel upset, and gently push them toward an activity you know will help them calm down. Teach them what to do when they feel angry. Perhaps, what you as a parent do when angry. For instance, show them how to take a walk or listen to your favorite song to process anger.

Don’t worry about it!

2. Don’t worry about it!

It's unhelpful to tell kids what to think, even if you're just trying to allay their fears, Morin says.

"When somebody says, 'Don't worry about it,' our worries don't automatically go away," she explains. "A better strategy is to teach kids: What can you do when you're worried?"

Instead, try asking a hypothetical question: "If your friend was worried about this, what would you say?"

This is a great way to get them to put themselves in others' shoes and review their situation. Typically, kids can think more rationally by removing themselves from the situation, Morin says. If their friend is worried about a test coming up, for example, they might tell them to study hard and everything will be fine.

"When they learn to give themselves that same message then they can learn, 'OK, I can teach myself to manage my thoughts in a healthier way,'" she says.


3. You'll do fine.

A positive outlook can help your child build confidence, but nobody has a "crystal ball," Morin says. You can't actually predict when your child will succeed, or when they'll suffer a disappointment.

In other words, promising your child they'll succeed, only to see them come up short, can actually hurt their confidence — while "damaging your credibility" for the next time you try to cheer them up, she says.

"Instead of saying, 'You're going to win!' The better message is: 'Get out there and do your best'. And if it doesn't go well, that's OK. We'll deal with that too,'" Morin says. These are building blocks of a growth


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